Putin on the Blitz: If you're red and don't know where to invade next; Why don't you go where facism sitz, Putin on the Blitz; Different loonies wearing an orange jumpsuit, slippers, jacket stait; Perfect Fitz, Putin on the Blitz. ... (Copyright 2022)

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News Flash: Trump promises to build ``impenetrable dome to protect US from nuclear attack" when elected. He's still having problems getting ``sharks with frickin lasers attached to their heads" to patrol the Rio Grande. Trump also promised to give all his supporters free ``Tinfoil Rabbit--Ear Hats" if they didn't have one already. Most do. Trump at his home Mar--A--Lardo--Go--Jumpen--Del--Lago.

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Several CMF have been awarded: ``For poisonous slander with no basis in fact by a dumb venomous looney". ``A sick puppy." This

years award is a Tinfoil Rabbit--Ear Hat with frickin lasers attached to their heads in their choice of colors: crazy camel, nutty neon, wacky wine. Have an eight--year--old child read the citation to you--then explain what it means. There was much competition, there's always next year for most of you loonies. Awarding voodoo dolls in the image of their obsessions was rejected. The nuts already had these.

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My philosophy, formulated before my visiting (Spring.1971) Blue Mountain Center for Meditation in Tamales, CA. is nicely summed up

in the words of its founder Eknath Easwaren ``We are all just small plums on the tree." Healthy attitude.

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Unless. of course, we are the giant genius variety (like Erdos). Or the plum--loco variety (like Yucas, No2).

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Eknath Easwaren (Kerala, India 1910--California 1999) was an Indian spiritual man. He came to the US on a Fulbright Award in 1959 and taught at UC Berkeley. He founded Blue Mountain Center for Meditation in 1961. Easwaren was the author of more than 20 books which have been translated into more than 20 languages. I saw him speak many times. Lovely.

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I saw Werner Erhard (EST--Erhard Seminar Training) speak at San Francisco Civic Auditorium before about 10,000 in Spring 1973. I summed up his talk as ``Vector Calculus of Life." The audience was enthralled, it was rather obvious to me. A masterful presentation though. A showman. 

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I spent many weekends in Berkeley CA. Fabulous place. Vibrant. Packed with unique, interesting, important, stuff. Merely being there was a treat. California architecture. The crosswalk sign on Telegraph at Durant with ``Walk" replaced with ``Think", blinking ``Think" ``Dont Think". I stood there and watched--none of the hundreds of passing pedestrians noticed. The Cookie--Chip--Chocolate store. Cody's Books 2454 Telegraph (Many many hours, saw Robert McLaughlin, Stanford, Nobel Prize Physics, talk about his new book upstairs there Spring 2005; 1956--2008), Moe's Books 2476 Telegraph (1959--), World Center of Underground Comics, Print Mint, Last Gasp. Guy dressed up as a breast selling nipple pins on Durant at Telegraph; brown or white. Street--sellers packing Telegraph. Top Dog 2534 Durant or 2160 Center off Shattuck--the best--I ate there all the time. Freight and Salvage. The Keystone (University Ave). Caffe Mediterraneum 2475 Telegraph (Many hours. 1956--2016.) Comix Comics (underground) on Shattuck. UC Berkeley, Evans Hall (Math), Sproul Plaza, Student Union. Berkeley Art Museum on Bancroft (1970--2014) annually for MFA projects. Peoples Park, Berkeley Repertory Theatre 2025 Addison (John Conway ``Spin, Twin, Fin" A proof of free--will as defined in talk. Spring 2005, Packed). Lived

there Spring 2005. Moving back soon. Foggy mornings there giving way to beautiful blue skies day--after--day--after--day. A sunlight unlike other places. New Mexico sunlight is unforgettable also. 

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Filmore West on Van Ness (Eric Burdon & War, Pacific Gas and Electric, many groups there). Winterland on Post at Steiner (Deep Purple, ditto). Pepperland San Rafael (Pablo Cruise, ditto). Walking across Golden Gate Bridge (Neat, scary--239 feet to ocean, very windy, other walkers). Golden Gate Park (de Young Museum--not that great), SFMOMA (Third St--OK), Chinatown. Alioto's on Fishermans Wharf (with Anne, closed March 2020), Pier 39 (Elephant Seals), Coit Tower, Lombard Street (Driving up/down in my stick shift), Riding the Cable Cars, Geary St shopping, Sausalito Boat Houses, BART Subway System--better than driving & parking, Concord--Berkeley, Berkeley--SF, South SF--SF (Many times). KTIM FM San Rafael, Sacramento TV40 live Saturday night fights from the Sacramento Forum, Oakland TV2 Jack Lalanne (born Oakland) live Saturday morning workout programs and Roller Derby Leagues, Joe's Buffet--best rare roast beef sandwich sliced off roast (Fairfield), Vacaville Deli. Nut Tree Airport (My Fathers Office Nut Tree Airport), Worked at Festival Mobile Homes Vacaville (building MH), Worked at Travis AFB, Worked at Penngrove FD, 1972 Berkeley Mr IronMan Contest (3rd behind Ed Corney-- Aaahnold's workout partner), Berkeley YMCA Workouts, Article/picture about me in Santa Rosa CA Newspaper The Press Democrat Spring 1973, Russian River (Guerneville, Forrestville, Monte Rio, Occidental, Tamales), Sebastopol (Sam's Club--The Tubes--White Punks on Dope, Summer 1973), Monte Rio (Monte Rio Theatre ``Rio" 20369 Bohemian HWY WWII Quonset Hut, Antonioni's Red Desert, Chambers Brothers Lived There--Time Has Come Today, from Tinytown Mississippi),

Tina Turner (Sonoma County Fair, Santa Rosa CA Fairgrounds, front row Summer 1972 with my weightlifting buddy FrankS),  Pacific Coast Highway 1 (Barry and I drove my MGMidget SF--Ensenada Mexico on PCH1 Summer 1971), Stinson Beach (Locals knew it was Nude), Sears Point Motorcycle Races with my brothers, Lake Berryessa swimming with my brothers, Tahoe sking with my brothers (Royal Gorge--got 520" snow 2022-2023, Kirkwood--got 648" snow 2022--2023, Heavenly). Yosemite backpacking, camping with my brothers and their girlfriends. Bicyling Penngrove--Sebastopol (Workout)--Santa Rosa--Penngrove Saturdays on Old Redwood Highway. Eucalyptus Trees smell, look (Native to Australia, introduced to CA in 1856 according to Berkeley sidewalk by Berkeley Reperatory Theatre). Lived in Berkeley, Fairfield (The Grange --Saturday Rock Concerts), Vacaville (Bozos Bus Stop--Saw Eddie Money there New Years Eve 1976 with my brothers), Cotati (Lived in Benson's Grove--look it up, Inn of the Beginning, Bill Walton bicycling), Rohnert Park, Sebastopol, Penngrove (In a converted water tower! Only in CA--unknown elsewhere), Petaluma (called Chickaluma, try and figure out why), At Petaluma World Wrist Wrestling Championship, Northern CA. Every day I could do something/go somewhere/see something new and exciting for free. Living there was a treat.

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When Phyllis and I both taught at CSU Long Beach:  Lighthouse Nightclub (Hermosa Beach), Whiskey A--Go--Go (Sunset Blvd), BuzzCuts (in People Magazine) in Redondo Beach, Elvis Costello at Hollywood Bowl, Dr Ellenbogen on Sunset Blvd, JPL, Cal Tech, Stars on Hollywood Blvd (Well it was something to do), Touring ``Wo Fats" house North Hollywood (ditto). Shopping on Melrose Ave,

Garment District LA, Ocean fishing, Body Surfing. Venice Beach. We lived at 264B Corona Blvd, Belmont Shore--1 block from the

ocean. I ran daily along the ocean (usually on PCH, 1st).  Good air along the ocean.

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When I taught at CSU Long Beach, I flew LAX--SFO monthly (PSA 2x$39 rt), rented a car, spent weekends travelling around the Bay Area visiting friends, family, enjoying. Fabulous. Impossible to find a tenured job there, however (I applied many years). I would have to change careers which I was not willing to do. I should have in retrospect. You don't know at that point. Much competition in premium places.  On--and--on.

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My wife Phyllis and I spending summers with her parents at their 9th floor apartment in a 19 story highrise in Coop City, the Bronx. 

Milton was a pharmacist who worked at a dangerous pharmacy in the south Bronx; Evelyn was a stay--at--home housewife. Phyillis

was born and raised across from Yankee Stadium, the Bronx. We took the Manhattan Express Bus (ran 24 hrs/day) Coop City--Manhattan every day; spent wandering around Manhattan. SOHO/NOHO. Houston St (pronounced ``Howston" rubes), Washington Square Park (JIm Carroll--Basketball Diaries), Greenwich Village, East Village, Times Square, MOMA, Guggenheim, Met, Running through Central Park, The Plaza Hotel (Phyllis always wanted to stay there), The Dakota (John Lennon's residence), Electric Circus,

Top of Empire State Building, Flatiron Building (5th Ave and Broadway, Housed Mostly Publishing Companies), Tavern--On--The--Green, NYU, ColumbiaU. Premiere of movie "Pumping Iron" with Ahhnold. Flying in--out of La Guardia or Newark. Packed/dangerous/grubby subway experience. Fabulous. 

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To be continued. There is much, much, more. I'm very humble, great humility, the greatest humility, ...

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There are many wonderful places in the world. I have been fortunate to live/work in some. To visit some. Life is to be experienced--it is too short to rot in a little, isolated. suffocating, Midwestern, shithole. But you need a job. Sigh. And I was going to enjoy the best of the WORLD.

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Compare what I detailed above with small--town Midwest accounts to follow. Mindnumbing, conformitystupidity, expectedexhibited (I grew up there--I know what it's like--I left there young and vowed not to return). Long miserable winters; followed by 2 weeks summer; followed by long miserable winters. Repeat Ad Freezeyourassoffium. I had father, mother, brother, brother in LSE. I got a good job at SIUC. Hence I was there. Period. Yokels who have never been anywhere/never done anything in their lives. The world described above

is unknown to the Midwest even today. 

 

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A factual account of the going--ons at a small--town, dying--school. It documents some of the places toxic environment. Setting the record straight.

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"It was the best of times," I came from a nice major area, great university, great colleagues I worked with--I socialized with, friendly people. Great social life. 

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"It was the worst of times." Beelzebub U., Hooterville--Flats Campus. U Motto: ONLY THE PICK OF THE LITTER.  BOX, THAT IS.

Above Main Hall: ABANDON ALL HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER. Brings a tear to my one good eye. 

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I needed to get a job and to get tenure. I would spend my nonpaid offtime traveling (Academic contracts pay only for 8 months work, usually 8/15-12/15+1/15-5/15) It would remain a job until it proved otherwise. Nice location/nice situation. I would then make it home. 

 

I was offered tenure track jobs at four similar Doctoral Granting Departments. (20K,200k,500K,1000K town populations) Mideast, Midwest. I didn't really like any of the four jobs--bad people, bad location, or both. But you need a job. The Chairman at one of these Universities said to me during my interview: "You haven't met the assholes in the Department yet." I accepted the best job 

(worst people), I thought, of the four jobs. And hoped for the best.

 

Afterall how bad could it be? It turned out to be the worst situation in my life. A failing Department with many in--your--face assholes.

A failing University downsizing to 1/3 size. A small Midwestern turdpile not quite at the end of the earth. But you could see it from there. 

 

I had hoped for California; good location anyway. There is great competition for good locations, even for bad jobs in good locations. 

Many academic jobs are actually bad jobs. Large teaching loads. Bad students with bad character. In the middle-of-nowhere. I had 

never seen students as bad as at SIUC (In 100 Level Classes: Ex Cons. South Chicago LowLifes. Behaviour problems dealt with by Campus Police. Students in several classes were arrested during the semesters for Armed Robbery and for Rape. Some ended up

in jail. Some went to prison. Does that sound good to you?) SIUC admitted everyone. That's part of their problem. But you need a job.

​

I was hopeful, open when I arrived. But not naive. The life I had known and lived for about thirty years ended the moment I went to SIUC (students called it "Green Acres Vocational"). An SIUC Administrator warned me during my initial interview "SIUC is a good university; not a great location; a small town; I wish it were closer to St. Louis". Porter to me before he accepted a job at SIUC: "SIUC is the last place I want to be". Two faculty I knew from other major Universities warned me before I went: "SIUC Mathematics Department Faculty keep leaving and going elsewhere". "They can't keep faculty there". SIUC Chairman Kirk made a point of telling me my second year

 "Use your retirement from UNM to buy further years of service at SIUC". (=You have to be here less years to qualify for retirement pension) It was the only good advice I got from SIUC. From someone who knew well what this place was like. 

​

The Department had bimonthly gatherings at faculty homes my first year. (At one of these gatherings most of the faculty wives sat in rocking chairs in the living room knitting! I was embarassed for the place. And by the place. Unbelievable. Just like the gatherings we

had at CSU Long Beach on the beach! That's called S.A.R.C.A.S.M.) At the time I thought these "friendly" gatherings were phony.  

(At one of these gatherings Me: ``Has the Department had such gatherings in the past?" Fitzgerald: ``They never had one.") I was

right. There were no Department gatherings in years after. I wondered when the dark, ugly people (RG,EN,WP,SS,JY) in this dark,

ugly place would surface. I didn't have to wait long. Beginning of my second year: Yucas angerily: "You didn't spend your summer here!". Me to the effect: "Know what? It's none of your fucking business what I do with my nonpaid summer vacation". This never happened elsewhere. This is the behaviour of an ignorant, dumbfuckhick, with his nose in my business. Bullying, harassment, already. I won't be bullied. You push me, I push you back. It got worse. Starting to get the idea about the place? Read on.

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I got tenure my second year. By that time I had assessed SIUC/Mathematics. It was much worse than I anticipated. I told several outside colleagues I didn't like SIUC/Mathematics and was applying for jobs. "Get one with tenure" was their advice. Good luck with that. Job prospects were grim and none; several years with no responses. Senior Mathematics faculty applied for jobs over the years with no luck including Mohammed, Wallis, Schurz, Ban, Sullivan. But you need a job. 

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It was only a job and in a small, remote, isolated, Midwestern, town. Nearly all university faculty were married with children, i.e., stuck. 

I was single, no children. Meeting someone in rural Southern Illinois acceptable to me was impossible (I tried. Nothing good.) Bringing someone acceptable to me to Southern Illinois was impossible. (I tried. JoyceS, LaurieR, would not move to C'Dale. They would have

left in about 6 months anyway.) So I worked while there. I spent all my nonpaid offtime with family/friends elsewhere. But you need a job. 

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It became clear I was stuck at SIUC unless I changed careers. Much easier said than done. I managed the situation as best I could,

i.e., away as much as possible. Other faculty did also. An analogy I used captures this situation quite well: A career NCO managing

his situation as best he could so to put in 20 years and get his retirement pension. He hoped for permanent stationing at his CA Home

Base. Instead he was stationed at Home base CA (3 mo/yr) and deployed (9 mo/yr) at a miserable base. From what I've heard and

read, Minot Air Force Base North Dakota, "where careers go to die" they say, will do quite nicely. "Ft Loser", as it's called, has a reputation as the worst military base in the USA. He had hoped for a station with pleasant people. Instead he got an oppressive, toxic, hostile, hierarchycal, environment of harassment, intimidation, control, bullying. Criticism was punished. Requests to transfer were punished. Rank was used to bully people. They might have a higher rank, but they definitely were not superior. Yeah, that sounds about right. But you absolutely must get your retirement pension. So I had to put in my 20 years time then muster out. 

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My charitable account of "Ft. Loser"/SIUC follows. The Mathematics Department was a godawful place compared with my previous Mathematics Departments, nice experiences mostly (LSU sucked. Chairman ``Oscar Baldy McGeheeheeheeheeheehee". That guy

was a Southernfried prick). The Department people mostly. But you need a job.  

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Before going to SIUC I sought the company of Mathematicians; I enjoyed their company. After being at SIUC a short while. I avoided the company of Mathematicians; I was repulsed by them. That's a fact. That should tell you what you need to know about the pricks there.

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William Golding (Nobel Prize Literature 1983) allegorical, dystopian, first novel "Lord of the Flies" (1954) comes to mind. The disasterous attempt of the preadolescent boys to govern themselves on the small, remote, isolated, island. Their descent into anarchy. The 

meaningless struggles for position and power that turned deadly. The irrational rivalries; the predators; the innocent prey.  Poisonous children. The known psychological malady "Island Mentality"="Isolated communities perceiving themselves as superior or exceptional together with provincialism characterized by hostility to outside values, narrowmindedness". All this was very much present in the Department. (Gregory to me: "SIUC was our Camelot." Spamalot maybe) I hate, small, remote, isolated, towns, with the "Island Mentality". The people in this case. But you need a job.

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SIUC Mathematics looked good on paper not knowing anything about it. A joke when you find what's actually there. The number and

the quality of the graduate students was too low. The "Ph.D." program was a waste of time and resources. Spector first thing my first semester: "The Mathematics Department should not have a Ph.D. program" "The graduate students are not good enough".THAT WAS IN FACT TRUE. I didn't like Sectors devious timimg however. My position on learning this: When you have a real Ph.D. program I will spend my nonpaid offtime here. I am not wasting my nonpaid offtime on some doomed buffoondoggle.

 

2022 USA News rankings of the 196 Doctoral Mathematics Programs in the USA ranked SIUC Mathematics #173 tied with 13 schools;

4 schools tied at #186; 3 schools tied at #190; 4 schools tied #193. SIUC Mathematics consistently ranked at the very bottom of other such rankings 1990 onward. My assessment also. Their "Ph.D.s" got jobs at Junior Colleges; at "Worst Colleges in USA" (Published Lists). Getting the idea? But you need a job. 

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I was told SIUC/Mathematics "are doing well" during my interview. THAT WAS FALSE. IN FACT SIUC/MATHEMATICS/PHYSICS WERE DYING. THEY WERE BEGINNING A STEEP DECLINE:

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SIUC (founded 1869) Official Enrollment: F1992 UG19944 + PG4216 =T24160 Down To F2022 UG8000 + PG3107 = T11107.

Mathematics Ph.D. (c.1975): Tenure/Tenure-Track Faculty 1992=38 Down To 2022=12.  Physics Tenured Faculty 1992=14 Down To 2022=7.

 

In reputation. In state funds. In support. Faculty knew this but did not tell me during my interview. I was pissed off as I became aware

of it. I had three other similar tenure track job offers. Each school now thriving. Getting the idea? But you need a job. 

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"The University is not adequately funded nor resourced to become a Doctoral Granting University Level 3" At Level 4 = Lowest Level Always. This was the final opinion of an outside study SIUC funded (c.2003, cost $250,000) regarding its future. State of Illinois drastically then reduced the size/level/support of SIUC. 

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New Mathematics tenure track hires would leave after several years for better jobs if they could (Sbiao, Mills).  The outside faculty comments "They can't keep faculty there" above were true. All the following happened about 1992--2014. 

 

  The number of tenured faculty who quit and went elsewhere is unprecedented--The number is essentially 0 at every other University

  I know.  

 

  Tenured Senior Mathematics Faculty applied for outside jobs without luck including: Mohammed, Wallis (U Newcastle wouldn't promote    him to Prof so he came to SIUC. His Australian wife divorced him after 20 years in Carbondale  and returned to Australia with her new      GIRLFRIEND), Schurz, Ban, Sullivan.  

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  Tenured Senior Mathematics Faculty Who Quit And Went To Better Tenured Positions Elsewhere: Chen (Tenured) -> OR; Bleher              (Tenured) ->UIowa (Tenured Prof); Kim (Tenured) -> UToronto (Tenured Prof); Lei (Tenured) -> Silicon Valley Job; Mugdadi (Tenured)

  -> UJordan (Tenured Prof); Hundley (Tenured) -> UBuffalo (Tenured).  Tenured faculty do not quit at other Universities. This number is      unprecedented and speaks volumes about how bad things were.  There's more. 

 

  The Physics Department also. 

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  Tenured Senior Physics Faculty Who Quit And Went To Better Tenured Positions Elsewhere: Stain Shadler (Tenured) -> LSU (Tenured      Prof); Aouadi (Tenured) -> Georgia Tech (Tenured); Calbi (Tenured) -> UDenver (Tenured Prof); Kolmakov (Tenured) -> NIST; Gaitan        (Tenured) -> UMaryland (Tenured). Tenured faculty do not quit at other Universities. This number is unprecedented and speaks                volumes about how bad things were. 

​

  Many Tenured Faculty retired then immediately moved elsewhere including: Burton -> Seattle; Hunsaker -> Detroit; Parker ->                    Maryland; Wallis -> Indiana; Pedersen -> Louisiana; Gregory -> Eugene OR; Panchapakesan -> Dallas; Dharmadhikari -> St Louis;          Clark -> Hawaii. Rats fleeing the sinking rathole. This is the opposite of my experience elsewhere where nearly all stayed after retiring.

  I noticed this since it was most unusual. 

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About 2/3 of the Tenured Mathematics Faculty (1992--2014) did not like the place based on their actions detailed above. Getting the idea? But you need a job. 

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The worst students comparatively at all levels. Vocational--School--Ability Undergraduate students. Largely Master--Ability "Ph.D." students. Math Ed level. But you need a job.

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The Mathematics Department was the most hostile place I had been in my life. A toxic workplace environment of harassment and bullying. Absolutely so. I avoided or ignored many of them eventually. It would have been a sad place if the faculty would have been nice. It was was a bad place with these miserable people. I objected to many policies/customs in the Department as I became aware of them. They were much the opposite of much better, thriving schools. (I was not alone. Another conversation. HS to DX: "Why don't you say something during Department meetings?" DX to HS: "There are so many things wrong with the Department already.") But you need a job. 

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There were some GoodMathematiciansGoodPeople in the Department (SM,PF,FG,RK) whom I liked, respected, socialized with. Many creepy, repulsive, people I didn't like being around. Some real assholes (Yuck,Grim,WW,EN,SS). If they were good, they would be

at a good University, So shut the fuck up. Nobody's, thinking they're somebody's, actually nobody's. Insisting that you tell them how wonderful they are, how wonderful the place is, how wonderful the  students are (This is what they actually said. "...Isn't it, Huh?".

Guess who). They weren't, it wasn't, they aren't. Debased meglomaniacs can get real snitty without their daily fix of hero worship. The worst aspects of academia, I knew of, were present in the Department. I was curteous, pleasant until they weren't. Many times. But I wasn't kissing some nobody hicks ass. Simpletons who thought being the Mayor of Munchkin Land was important. It's not. Out-to-Lunchkin Land in this case. Bullys harassing people when they can. Getting the idea? But you need a job.

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Oppressive hierarchycal environment of harrassment--intimidation--control--mobbing. Criticism is punished. Hostile to outsiders, to  new ideas. Miserable Department members. Aggressive adversarial behaviour. Viscous interactions (Witnessed many times). Workplace bullying problem of epidemic proprtions. (I was harrassed/witnessed others being harrassed by Department members. I can defend myself. And I did.) About six, do--nothing, self--important, assholes, appointed themselves in charge. They controlled Department Meetings and mobbed anyone outside their group who dared say anything (Witnessed many times). Getting the idea? But you need

a job. 

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WW and TB standing up in meetings and yelling at each other. RG (people called him "The Grim Reaper") standing up in meetings yelling at other people there. DK loudly browbeating people in meetings. 

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All criticisms were met with hostile reactions from too many faculty. I grew up in the San Francisco area. A wonderful place. Do you think that everyone there never said a "contrary word"? Wake up yokels. People vehemently pissed and moaned all the time: "Traffic is awful"; "Rents are outrageous"; "There's lots of crime"; etc. Over-reaction to mild criticism is one recognized symptom of an inferiority complex. Well-deserved in this case. But you need a job. 

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The local people were just that, local. It was interesting exploring everything in the area when I first arrived--then I had to figure out what to do that afternoon. A nothing town in the Middle--Of--Nowhere. Populated with the illiterati. I much preferred their company to the company of the Department. That's a fact. But you need a job.

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I knew what each Department member had published before taking the job (MathSciNet). I published more papers than all but a couple

of people who have ever been at SIUC. I published papers with authentic geniuses (Erdos, Bollobas) and many other top people. None of the Department papers were especially especial except the ones who quit and went to better universities. I was a small plum, as were they. I knew it however. Most faculty had poor publication records and published no further papers after tenure/promotion. They were not researchers. Not capable of directing dissertations either. But you need a job. 

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I had lived/worked in many nice, interesting, exciting, places. SIUC was none of these. I would spend my nonpaid offtime (Summers, Semester Breaks) someplace nice (CA,CO,UT,NM). As I had. Faculty said to me: "I wish I could do that too." Eventually it was all I

could do to return to that hellhole for work. A university does not own me. I work hard during semesters. My nonpaid offtime is my own. The three best reasons for teaching: June, July, August. I agreed with Porters assessment of SIUC: "The Last Place I Want to Be".   Likely for different reasons. The world is too interesting/Life is too short to waste your time on nothing, nowhere. But you do need a job.

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                                "How Ya Gonna Keep 'Em Down On the Farm (After They've Seen Paree)?"

                                                     Jim Europes 369th Infantry Band, WWI 1919 Hit

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A dark, ugly place with too many dark, ugly people. The toxic environment wore you down. I loved my time away from that hellhole.

Their main draw: It was a good University. Period. But you need a job.

​

  The usual small town admonitions applied: Hostile to newcomers, uneducated, unsophisticated, locals who didn't like "outsiders". 

  No shopping, no dining, no nightlife (Roaring--drunk college kids at every bar. Seriously. Repulsive). No social possibilities to meet            other singles. No singles actually. Nothing as far as the eye could see. Paraphrasing Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen) in Love

  and Death : "Nothing. Lots of Nothing. Fields of Nothing. ..." I liked the geography/geology of the area actually. More pleasant when

  the students were gone. Tom Kyner's (UNM) funny quote "Universities would be great if it weren't for the students". Faculty too.

                                                                       

  So they emphasized their "teaching". What passed for "excellent teaching" there was actually very unprofessional. Do you think                going through the actual Common (8 sections) Calculus I Final Exam before--hand with your class, same problems with the numbers      changed, is professional? I don't. I complained every year to the Chairmen about this woman. Nothing done. Gave her "teaching              awards" for (surprise, surprise) ultra--high student evaluations. Give everyone A's you will. This Department really sucked.  

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                                                                                 GEE, WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE! 

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Just two years before my arrival, the Mathematics Department removed witch hunts from their operating paper. Some faculty longed for the good old days when they could burn people at the stake. They didn't have a clue. One should consult the Mathematics Department Operating Paper A Confederacy of Dunces / Much Adoodoo About Nothing; Subsections Rearranging The Deck Chairs On The Titanic / Arguing About Where To Sit In The Car As They Drive It Off The Cliff. Consult the Department Newsletter The Steaming Turdpile for this weeks harassment schedule. Get there early, seats are limited. Bags of rocks can be purchased onsite. Chairman Beelzebubzban's column Blithering Heights.  Pointed. Accurate. Sarcasm. 

 

But you need a job. XXXXX

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They had a workplace bullying problem of epidemic proportion. (What else was there to do in a dying little backwater shithole but bully? Sarcastic, but true. How about write lots of papers? Like I did. And always intended too. Anywhere I was.) 

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Long history of bullying in many departments including Mathematics. Starting about 2002, SiUC Administration finally became aware of the epidemic University--Wide bullying problem and, to their credit, did something about it. For more than a decade now: Each semester Administration sent email to faculty informing them of this problem. Each year Administration conducted faculty seminars to address this problem.  Many senior faculty tried to move. Some (Senior Tenured Physics, Chemistry) succeeded. My friend and coauthor FG (Senior Tenured Physics) said SIUC Physics was a "toxic environment also". He quit and moved 2010 to U Maryland Laboratory for Physical Sciences. (Five other Senior Tenured Physics quit and moved also.) Feedback about my fifteenth year: "SIUC is a toxic environment"

-- From a Tenured Full Professor FN at U Michigan Physics who said the same thing about U Michigan Physics and quit and moved elsewhere. The best can move, the rest are stuck. Physics/Chemistry can move to Government/Industry. Others nowhere. 

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I was giving a talk in the SIUC Combinatorics Seminar my fourth year: Me: "I am happy to talk about a joint paper with Bela Bollobas ("Chromatic Numbers of Random Regular Graphs"= Hot Topic/Hard Stuff; Yucas=Design Theory=HighSchool Mathematics. To set the vastly different levels). YUCAS YELLING: "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN". THEN HE GOT UP AND WALKED OUT. Earnest, Porter, McSorley, Wallis, Phillips, (Budzban I think) and others were there and witnessed this. None of them ever said a word to me about this. That is the definition of a poisonous environment. Fuck them if they think this is acceptable behaviour. It's not. I was not going to be harassed by some disturbed backwoods POS. I have now been in Academia more than forty years and never heard of, nor witnessed, nor experienced, anything remotely like this. Have you? Unfuckingbelievable. Actions like this have consequences.The Brothers Warner:

"Of course you realize this means war".

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I was done with SIUC/Mathematics after this and other nasty, craziness. It could take a flying fuck. I was furious with the people, the Department, the place thereafter. Before that I went out of my way to be friendly to all. After that I didn't bother with most. I was there only for paid contract time (8mo). I spent all my nonpaid offtime someplace nice CA, CO, UT, NM (4mo). I had to work there until I qualified for a retirement pension. Twenty--some years. I bought further years of service. When I qualified, I quit. I was also not going

to take any shit from nobody pricks while I was there. And I was going to get what I deserved/earned. Did you expect anything different? Lest I forget. Hey Yucas: Chingarte. You too Wallis (came to SIUC after U Newcastle would not promote him to Professor), Earnest (came to SIUC as an Assistant Professor after being denied tenure at U So. California) , Neuman, Grimmer. Real pinchazos, 

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I have written three times as many papers as Yucas. It was said that Fitzgerald wrote their joint papers. I never said another word to Yucas, nor acknowledged him. And several others. I never gave a talk there again. I told this episode to every outside faculty member

I could. 

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I didn't forget. I didn't forgive. I took the position with several peple (Hick, Pig Farmer), if you fuck with me, I'm going to knock your teeth down your throat. That's where that situation was at. They left me alone. Juniorhighschool shit for fucksake. [Writing this I recalled a similar problem with several ninth grade scum (TS, PF). Both ended up in prison, one for life.] Several faculty noticed this and complimented me for my position. They had been bullied they said. By different Department people. In the past. [They gave me details about the  "dark side" of Mathematics/SIUC, their terminology. I wish I had known this before deciding on SIUC. I would have gone elsewhere. Of course they are not going to tell you at that point, if ever. But it gave me new perspective on bizarre going--ons I've detailed at Hellhole U. A waste of time--their new toy is broken and discarded in the garbage heap of boomed doonboggles, errhh, doomed boondoggles.]

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About my eighth year Mohammed to me: "Yucas looks really bad. Should we go talk to him?" Me: "I wouldn't". About one year later I was told by several people that Yucas' 21 year old daughter mortem sibi conscivit. Poor girl. RIP. Yuck was in a severe depression for several  years. Well deserved. What an aware, loving, supportive, understanding father! Yeah, right! And monkeys flew out of my ass.

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Yucas was the biggest prick I ran into in academia; anywhere actually. For no reason, rational anyway. A creepy, bald, Ichabod--Crane--looking hick who grew up in a backwoods population 600 Appalachian shithole. Soggy Bottoms Gulch, Hill Billy Holler, West

Pennsyltuckyfuckingvania. Say hello to your daughter when you see her again. I am looking forward to seeing you again at your funeral. And PigKnuckle, Iowa Pig Farmer Grimmer at his. It won't be long now. Grim recently had a serious heart attack. Yuck recently

had a tumor surgically removed, gee I hope it wasn't cancerous. I expect the attendence will be great at both funerals, reproving the adage "Give people what they want and they will come out for it".(Yuck 12/25/1951--01/03/2024 CANCER) One down. Dam I missed it. 

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Before Porter was tenured, Yucas called him "Tommy Turtle" in a meeting. Then laughed in his face. I was there. Yuck was a disturbed bully preyng on people in vulnerable positions, including his own family with tragic consequences (Above, there's more). A sick puppy.

Bill Maher routine: "And you call yourself a Schnaubel (or a Yucas)." XXXXX

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The intellectual foundation of "bullyingismology" is found in the deep philosophical work "Mean Girls" by T. Fey: There an eleven year-- old girl struggles to learn Arithmetic set against the Sturm and Drang of her fifth grade Home Ec class. That's called S-A-R-C-A-S-M yokels. It's about that juvenile however. Fifth grade. 

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Many Universities have recently implemented anti--bullying/hostile--workplace policies. That workplace bullying is widespread does not make it any less odious. Some recent published accounts:

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John Smyth, The Toxic University, Palgrave 2017.

"Female Science Professor", "Talking About a Toxic Environment" (Detailed physical toll bullying took on her. Quit the job eventually), The Chronicle of Higher Education,  February 26, 2014. 

Virginia Gewin, "How to Blow the Whistle on an Academic Bully", Nature, 11 May 2021. 

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Ken Rigby, New Perspectives on Bullying, Jessica Kingsbury Publishers (2002) writes workplace bullying includes: "Public Professional Humiliation/ Belittling, Teasing, Name Calling/Impossible Deadlines/Destabilization/ Mobbing/Unwanted Physical Contact/ Violence/ Obscene or Loud Language During Meetings/Difficulties When Seeking Promotions"."It results in increased employee turnover". 

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ALL of this behaviour is detailed here. This is only a small sample of what I witnessed.  XXXXX

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Miserable Department Members, Agressive Adversarial Behaviour, Vicious Interactions, Workplace Bullying (A Small Sample):

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Neum (polaco) seriously insisting many times: "I am a genius." Absurd and Pathetic. If you were, you wouldn't be at SIUC. [Monty

Python and The Holy Grail  comes to mind. The Black Knight (John Cleese) both arms and both legs cut off by Arthur: "I'm invincible!" Arthur, King of the Britons (Graham Chapman) sarcastically: "You're a looney!" Make the obvious substitutions.] 

 

Neum agressively insulting/humiliating Schu in a Committee Meeting. I stopped him and defended Schu. Neum said to me "And you know Probability, hah". I emphatically said "How do you know I don't (I did)". Neum then shut up. Schu gave me a hug after the meeting! Neum pinchazo loco.

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Schu got caught. Schu had accepted a tenure track job at Texas Tech during his SIUC Tenure review. Put on a 3 year probation by SIUC, then tenured and promoted. Looneytooney bully Neum was agressively insulting/humiliating Schu above during this probation period. 

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Xiao (AAH) agressively insulting/humiliating Schu during Department Meeting for Schu promotion to Full Professor. I stopped him and defended Schu (two short sentences). Xiao then shut up. Schu was promoted. 

 

Xiao got caught. Xiao was Indicted on Federal Criminal Charges of four counts of Felony Tax Evasion and four counts of Felony Grant Fraud in Spring 2021. He was placed on paid leave then by the University, still on. Some people are more equal than others, you know. Still working its way through the Courts. (Many examples of blatantly discriminatory application of rules I will detail in future)

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There were weekly instances of this crap. A TOXIC ENVIRONMENT. NEVER ONCE AT ALL THE OTHER UNIVERSITIES I"VE BEEN.

A bunch of crazy assholes. A real crackerjack place, crackers anyway. But you need a job.  XXXXX

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Let me give you dumb assholes some advice. Leave people alone. No one put you in charge. This was obvious to people/places I lived with anything on the ball. A bunch of Department pricks harassing someone because, at the time, they can. Or read esteemed Eknath Easwarens advice above: "We are all small plums". Or read Werner Erhard (EST) "Vector Calculus of Life" above. I put them there for this reason. And others. It was obvious to me as a teenager. Unlikely you dumb assholes understand it even now. FU.  XXXXX

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NIU (founded 1895): Official Enrollment F2010 UG17479 + GP4248 = T21727 / F2022 UG11429 + GP4220 = T15649

Math Ph.D. (c.1990): Tenure/Tenure Track Faculty 2010 = 30 / 2022 = 30

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Very Poor Students At All Levels:

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I taught topics classes (5 students) on Random Graphs from Bollobas twice at UNM. ALL students there could work out all the book problems I assigned; and ALL could present/understand book talk I assigned at the end of courses. I taught the same topics class (5 "Ph.D." students) from Bollobas at SIUC my second year. I assigned the same problems/same talks. Four students could work out

NO problems=Four students understood NOTHING of book talks. I had to cancel 4/5 talks. The 1/5 student had received a terminal

MS from UIUC Mathematics and just come to SIUC. He understood what was going on in this class. He understood (with a little help)

his talk "The Diameter of Random Graphs". He got his SIUC Ph.D. in Algebra in 1996. And published a paper. He was capable, what I was used to. Generally SIUC students were incapable jokes. I never bothered with this class, and many others, at SIUC again. The 

Mathematics Ph.D. qualifying exam consisted of drawing the pirate on the matchbook cover. Standard undergraduate classes were the same joke. Few students could do medium-level Linear Algebra problems/material from Anton, for example. Senior "Math Majors" who didn't understand Calculus, and were not filtered out as is usual, taking Senior Analysis classes unable to construct a rather simple proof; only calculations could be realistically assigned. They couldn't do these problems correctly either. Most didn't comprehend the

usual Theorem/Proof/Example approach, i.e., they wou;d have been filtered out elsewhere.  SIUC A = UNM B; SIUC B = UNM C; etc. You couldn't grade SIUC students by UNM standards; most SIUC students would be UNM C/D/F. How to deal with this? Based on my experience there CUB  >> UNM>=LSU >> CSULB >> SIUC rankings of student quality. Good students didn't come to SIUC. SIUC had

a reputation as a "party school" = You don't have to do/know anything. SIUC has been working hard to change this. More selective = better students. 

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Vast numbers of Senior-Standing Engineering-College-Admitted students taking/failing Calculus II (All dealt with this). How can they be admitted to ENG? Actual Universities require passing Calculus I-II-III + more before being admitted to the Engineering College. ANSWER: To justify their existence SIUC ENG admitted all students to keep enrollment up (2000) when few (300) were capable. What did ENG do with rest (1700)? That of course is the problem. ENG started offering their own Mathematics classes for their students to take. These stay Mathematics classes at every University I know of. Can you figure out why? ANSWER: ENG students couldn't pass the basic Mathematics versions. Instead of getting better students, ENG lowered their standard=This was a big issue at SIUC. The "poor quality" of SIUC ENG graduates became clear to employers I was told. A good graduating ME student candidly told me:"SIUC ENG has to do something about this student problem. 90% of the Students only want to know which formula to plug into. They don't want to see any theory. All 90% of the students want is to graduate and get a job as a salesman." I.e., about 90% were not good enough to be design engineers. Good students went to UIUC, UIC, IIT. Northwestern. Those not admitted there came to SIUC. There is much more. XXXXX

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Like Nowheresville Daddy--O; 23 Skiddoo; We're Hep Cats; The Cats Litterbox (Errhh, Pajamas, Meow, Whiskers, something like that): 

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A small (population 20,000 excluding students) town in the middle-of-nowhere. (City Motto: "You ain't from around these parts are you boy. We don't take kindly to strangers here". "Go on now, Go on and git git." Not really that far from the truth)  Most streets in C'burg had neither curb nor gutter. I liked the geography; the weather was not too bad; but I spent my nonpaid offtime in SPECTACULAR AREAS of the US/WORLD; 100 miles from St. Louis (You like redneck MAGATS? I don't.) Few creature comforts. Genuinely unfriendly inbred locals who disliked SIUC [I heard this many times from staff and others. One groundskeeper I overheard, unaware I was around the corner, gripe to another: "Why do the "teachers" here make more money than us. We do all the work.'" Seriously. Unbelievable. Hey dumbfuck, you wouldn't have a good paying job if not for SIUC.] The University was fine. The Mathematics faculty was something else. It was clear why faculty left if they could. But you need a job.  XXXXX

 

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Paybacks are a bitch:

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I was promoted to Full Professor (Further "dark side". Other faculty terminology. Guess who? Mohammed stood up in the meeting and said: "What's going on here?", JGregory said: "The Department has gone over to the dark side", Feinsilver said: "I couldn't beleive what Patula and Yucas were doing", Zeman said: "The Department has a glass ceiling". No problem the following year.) I then turned the tables on several people who had harassed me. I had never needed to do this before. I could/should have been much worse. They didn't like it when they were catching not pitching. Toofuckingbad. I enjoyed this. (I had just bench pressed 450lb at 181lb in the state meet for

a new Indiana State Record which I let the Department know about. Let's see what happens now) Did you dumb pricks think I was going to forget your unwarranted harassment? They went crying like little schoolgirls to the Principal. Seriously. That's exactly what they did.  WahEh! WahEh! Cryin' their little eyes out. A couple of fuckers. Guess who. This whole mess should have been stopped by the Chair intervening with the Yucas incident above. XXXXX

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There Were Many Faculty Who Didn't Like It Here:

 

I've given many examples. Some more: Sullen after getting tenure about my seventh year: "I guess I'm stuck at SIUC for the rest of

my career". Bhat to me about my twentieth year after he and his family had spent a year home in India: "Carbondale is not a nice place to live. There's nothing here." About my tenth year Porter to me: "The Math Department is not a friendly place, is it?" Me: "No it's not.

Not in the least."  And more. (OK for families maybe? It's still a little claustrophobic shithole.) XXXXX

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SIUC:  It was a miserable place. JobOnly. My friends/life were elsewhere. I regularly calculated my retirement stipend. Met with retirement counselors in Champaign to confirm my calculations. I worked until I qualified for a retirement pension at "Ft Loser" And quit.

When I decided. Free at last. And never looked back. Until writing this and remembering what a miserable hellhole it is. And realizing

that a significant fraction of the Mathematics Faculty didn't like it either -- Moving elsewhere upon retiring. And never went back. I've had no contact with any. Chingarte Cabrones (Yucas,Neum,WallEarnParkSpatulaBudzZem,Spec,Grim). The many nice people (those not mentioned), good luck. What did I like best about SIUC? Seeing it in my rearview mirror! Paraphrasing Betty Davis: "My mother said

you should only speak good of the dead. Some of these people are dead. Good." Fuck those pricks

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Sound like someplace you would like? I despised this godawful hellhole. Go to a place with better people if you can. A shit'burg with curb--and--gutter anyway. 

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